01dragonslayer
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Steve Shaw
2. "When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away." - Robert M. Hutchins
3. "If you want to get in shape, don't sign up for fancy diet this or Cross that the other thing. No, the way to get in shape is to go to the gym every single day, change your clothes and take a shower. If you can do that every single day for a month, pretty soon you'll start doing something while you're there." - Seth Godin
4. "Gym Rule #1: If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most." - Jason Love
5. "I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happier with buns of cinnamon." - Ellen DeGeneres
6. "My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." - Milton Berle
7. "Albert Einstein discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'" - Dave Barry
8. "If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all." - Joey Adams
9. "The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down.'" - Rita Rudner
10. "America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer." - Mike Vanatta
11. "My favorite exercise at the gym would probably be judging." - Anonymous
12. "I'm afraid the handle on your recliner chair does not count as an exercise machine" - Doctor (to patient)
13. "I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass." - David Lee Roth
14. "Are you fat and ugly? Join our gym and just be ugly!" - Local gym sign
15. "Every time I hear the dirty word 'Exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!" - Unknown
16. "Instead of calling my bathroom the 'John' I call it the 'Jim'. That way it sounds better when I say, 'I go to the Jim first thing every morning.'" - Unknown
17. "I really think that tossing and turning at night should be considered exercise!" - Unknown
18. "I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing." - Marsha Doble
19. "I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises." - Neil Armstrong
20. "I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh... try to figure out what my phone number spells in words." - Ellen DeGeneres
21. "I can't die, it would ruin my image." - Jack LaLanne
22. "My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit." - Phyllis Diller
23. "When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many." - Garrison Keillor
24. "A reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class somewhere pulls a hamstring." - Allan Roth
25. "I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing" - Unknown
26. "I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me." - Fred Allen
27. "If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out." - Jim Gaffigan
28. "If these bicep peaks were any bigger I'd have snow on them." - Anonymous
29. "If these bicep peaks were any bigger I'd have snow on them." - Anonymous
30. "I spend my time at the gym doing diddly squats" - Unknown
31. "I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor." - Joan Rivers
32. "When people ask me if I exercise I tell them I do crunches every day - especially Captain Crunch and Nestle Crunch" - Unknown
33. "I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous." - Anonymous
34. "You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'" - Jim Gaffigan
35. "I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training." - Author Unknown
36. "I'm 99% sure no one would run marathons if they weren't allowed to talk about running marathons." - Mike Vanatta
37. "Doctor to patient: What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?" - Randy Glasbergen
38. "I don't jog. If I die I want to be sick." - Abe Lemons
38 Funny Exercise and Gym Quotes
1. "The most annoying are those people in exceptionally good shape at the gym. I'm like 'What are you doing here? You're done.'" - Jim Gaffigan2. "When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away." - Robert M. Hutchins
3. "If you want to get in shape, don't sign up for fancy diet this or Cross that the other thing. No, the way to get in shape is to go to the gym every single day, change your clothes and take a shower. If you can do that every single day for a month, pretty soon you'll start doing something while you're there." - Seth Godin
4. "Gym Rule #1: If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most." - Jason Love
5. "I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happier with buns of cinnamon." - Ellen DeGeneres
6. "My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." - Milton Berle
7. "Albert Einstein discovered that a tiny amount of mass is equal to a huge amount of energy, which explains why, as Einstein himself so eloquently put it in a famous 1939 speech to the Physics Department at Princeton, 'You have to exercise for a week to work off the thigh fat from a single Snickers.'" - Dave Barry
8. "If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all." - Joey Adams
9. "The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down.'" - Rita Rudner
10. "America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer." - Mike Vanatta
11. "My favorite exercise at the gym would probably be judging." - Anonymous
12. "I'm afraid the handle on your recliner chair does not count as an exercise machine" - Doctor (to patient)
13. "I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass." - David Lee Roth
14. "Are you fat and ugly? Join our gym and just be ugly!" - Local gym sign
15. "Every time I hear the dirty word 'Exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!" - Unknown
16. "Instead of calling my bathroom the 'John' I call it the 'Jim'. That way it sounds better when I say, 'I go to the Jim first thing every morning.'" - Unknown
17. "I really think that tossing and turning at night should be considered exercise!" - Unknown
18. "I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing." - Marsha Doble
19. "I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises." - Neil Armstrong
20. "I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh... try to figure out what my phone number spells in words." - Ellen DeGeneres
21. "I can't die, it would ruin my image." - Jack LaLanne22. "My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit." - Phyllis Diller
23. "When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many." - Garrison Keillor
24. "A reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class somewhere pulls a hamstring." - Allan Roth
25. "I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing" - Unknown
26. "I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me." - Fred Allen
27. "If only opening a Vitamin Water could be classified as working out." - Jim Gaffigan
28. "If these bicep peaks were any bigger I'd have snow on them." - Anonymous
29. "If these bicep peaks were any bigger I'd have snow on them." - Anonymous
30. "I spend my time at the gym doing diddly squats" - Unknown
31. "I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor." - Joan Rivers
32. "When people ask me if I exercise I tell them I do crunches every day - especially Captain Crunch and Nestle Crunch" - Unknown
33. "I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous." - Anonymous
34. "You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'" - Jim Gaffigan
35. "I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training." - Author Unknown
36. "I'm 99% sure no one would run marathons if they weren't allowed to talk about running marathons." - Mike Vanatta
37. "Doctor to patient: What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?" - Randy Glasbergen
38. "I don't jog. If I die I want to be sick." - Abe Lemons
